10 days ago our 11 year old yellow lab Emily fell on the stairs – the week before she had a hard time getting up them. We decided it must be arthritis, she is getting up there and isn’t as spry as she use to be. When she fell the last time we decided no more upstairs, not that she has even tried. We poked, prodded twisted pushed and moved her hind end – even checked her paws – nothing- she didn’t react at all so.. we thought we’d let her rest and see how she was in a week or so, hoping it was just a sprain –This weekend when it seemed not to be any better, we made the decision for me to take her to see Dr Matt….
So off us girls went this am…..Dr Matt poked....prodded….twisted ....did all kinds of maneuvers. His first thought nothing obviously broken, maybe a torn ACL ….but she needed to have an x-ray…so off for her photo shoot. She was gone a long time and my inner nurse came out (she is well hidden most of the time) When Dr Matt came back and asked me to come look at something my stomach hit bottom…my inner voice kept saying he’s gonna show me she broke something….then that really bad voice inside said ..no..no..no.. I said to him this isn’t good, is it… he replied not at all….at that moment my world was crashing in …I wanted to be anywhere but where I was and I wanted to just take her leash and run and run and run as fast as we could……..but nope I put one foot in front of the other until I got to the light box…. he started with the clinical talk…not what I thought..it's in the area above her knee….as I’m looking for the break in the x-ray….. I’m not seeing it…all I can see is…yup my baby has …bone cancer……osteosarcoma
He then took us back into the exam room. I’m trying to stay composed and let this sink in as he continues to say…..3 vets in the office agree but we can send the x-ray to OSU for confirmation…or do a biopsy…..we could amputate and do chemo…but chances are it has already spread to her lungs……..I just want to make her comfortable…..I just want her not to be in pain
……oh hell…who am I kidding…I just want her to be the pup on my lap that I brought home that day from the farm after she played with her brothers and ate horse turds…..all I want is another chance to do this all over again....wake up and have 11 more years of joy, happiness and love.
I called my hsb… I called my children….I have no words to comfort them…..as of right now I have no words to comfort me….
I made the arrangements for euthanizing her next week (unless she gets worse), I made arrangements for her cremation....but the one thing I cannot arrange is how I amI going to get thru the next 11 days….or how my life will be without her in my life... my heart is just to heavy right now