............my world turned upside down today
10 days ago our 11 year old yellow lab Emily fell on the stairs – the week before she had a hard time getting up them. We decided it must be arthritis, she is getting up there and isn’t as spry as she use to be. When she fell the last time we decided no more upstairs, not that she has even tried. We poked, prodded twisted pushed and moved her hind end – even checked her paws – nothing- she didn’t react at all so.. we thought we’d let her rest and see how she was in a week or so, hoping it was just a sprain –This weekend when it seemed not to be any better, we made the decision for me to take her to see Dr Matt….
So off us girls went this am…..Dr Matt poked....prodded….twisted ....did all kinds of maneuvers. His first thought nothing obviously broken, maybe a torn ACL ….but she needed to have an x-ray…so off for her photo shoot. She was gone a long time and my inner nurse came out (she is well hidden most of the time) When Dr Matt came back and asked me to come look at something my stomach hit bottom…my inner voice kept saying he’s gonna show me she broke something….then that really bad voice inside said ..no..no..no.. I said to him this isn’t good, is it… he replied not at all….at that moment my world was crashing in …I wanted to be anywhere but where I was and I wanted to just take her leash and run and run and run as fast as we could……..but nope I put one foot in front of the other until I got to the light box…. he started with the clinical talk…not what I thought..it's in the area above her knee….as I’m looking for the break in the x-ray….. I’m not seeing it…all I can see is…yup my baby has …bone cancer……osteosarcoma
He then took us back into the exam room. I’m trying to stay composed and let this sink in as he continues to say…..3 vets in the office agree but we can send the x-ray to OSU for confirmation…or do a biopsy…..we could amputate and do chemo…but chances are it has already spread to her lungs……..I just want to make her comfortable…..I just want her not to be in pain
……oh hell…who am I kidding…I just want her to be the pup on my lap that I brought home that day from the farm after she played with her brothers and ate horse turds…..all I want is another chance to do this all over again....wake up and have 11 more years of joy, happiness and love.
I called my hsb… I called my children….I have no words to comfort them…..as of right now I have no words to comfort me….
I made the arrangements for euthanizing her next week (unless she gets worse), I made arrangements for her cremation....but the one thing I cannot arrange is how I am I going to get thru the next 11 days….or how my life will be without her in my life... my heart is just to heavy right now
I am so sorry. I know this is one of the hardest things you will have to do. I have a cat I love so much and when the time comes, I'm like you I won't know how to live without him. You and your family are in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to you, and I hope that somehow in the next few days you can find some sort of peace in this terrible situation.
ReplyDeleteOh Jo, I'm so sorry to hear about Emily. Focus on keeping her comfortable and take it day by day. We bring pets into our lives knowing it will be for a much shorter period than we would like it to be yet we do it any way. That must say something about how important they are to us. I'm crying puddles for you but I guess also for me just thinking when that day will come at our home. Take comfort in knowing you've given her the best life possible.
ReplyDeleteBig Hugs,
Dawn
Dear Jo. I don't know any words I can give you right now. My heart goes out to you, your family and sweet Emily. I can't imagine the pain you're feeling knowing what is ahead for you. You will be in my prayers. We lost one of our beloved babies a few years ago after having her for 16 years. It was heartbreaking. I pray for our heavenly father to comfort you at during this painful time.
ReplyDeleteHugs...Tracy
I'm so sorry. It is heartbreaking. May God give hold you up this week. We've all been there, but it is so hard to go through.
ReplyDeletecindy
My heart breaks for you. I know the sadness and grief of losing a beloved pet. It has been seven years now and I still cannot bring myself to get another dog. I still miss her and wish she could be by me. I will pray for you.
ReplyDeleteOh no, I am crying! Emily felt a apart of our family when we were neighbors. Tyler loved her! And I know how big a part of yalls family she was! I am so so so sorry!!! There are no words...........
ReplyDeleteOh Jo, I am so so sorry...we have been through this several time ourselves, it never gets easier and no matter what the age of our beloved dog, we have never had them with us long enough. Its not fair they can't live as long as we do.
ReplyDeleteYou will get through this Jo. In a way at least you have a chance to talk to Emily and say your goodbyes as opposed to a sudden accident..and we still have our dogs' ashes in beautiful boxes..they do give us comfort. And lots of pictures of them.
Nothing I can say will help except prayer does help and Emily has had a wonderful life with you and she loves you for that..there is a place in Heaven for our pets..if there isn't, I am not going! Prayers for you all!
Barb
I want to thank everyone for all the words of support and kindness. It has touched my heart. We have been spending a lot of time loving and playing with her. As difficult as it will be, we see her getting more frail each day and I know that we are doing the right thing for her - and that is what it is about.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry. I am crying right now because I know what its like to love and care for an animal and then have something bad happen to them. I am so sincerely sorry. The only comfort I can give you is that she is going to a better place where she won't be in pain anymore and can watch over your family until you reunite one day. After my cat of 16 years died(I had her since I was 5) my parents got a new dog and I had a new cat and it helped ease the pain to have another animal, not to replace my baby, but to help me through it, and I can't tell you how much better it was. Maybe ya'll can write down all the exciting times ya'll had together so you will never forget what your dog/baby/family member meant to you.
ReplyDeleteMuch Love!
E
I am so sorry you are having to go through this.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry. Losing a dear doggie pet is like the end of the world. I know because I went through this in May 2009 when our beautiful sweet 12 year-old Ginger fell and could no longer get up.
ReplyDeleteI looked into her eyes. I told her how much I loved her and always would and how no other dog would ever be as sweet as she. I held her close and loved her with all my heart and soul.
But I knew it was time for her to go so she would no longer be in pain. My husband and I held her during the last moments and she was calm and ready, sweet girl that she always was.
Yes, I cried for days and then I cried some more. How do you get through it? You do it for her, because of the love you have for this wonderful little Emily girl.
And...if you are able...maybe eventually you will consider adopting a rescue dog who will never take the place of Emily but who needs your care and love. Maybe it's way too early to think about that, but as the time passes, maybe you will consider it.
I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I feel your pain and I'm sending you blessings and hugs, Coralie
Jo,
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry, I know what you are going through and it is so hard. Enjoy each day. I will be thinking of you.